I use to love perfect snow. No footprints. Nothing. Just smooth white snow. Now, I love messed up snow. Snow that’s been played in. Snow that’s messy. It’s a sign of life. It’s evidence that kids, people have been there. That fun has taken place. This year, 2013, I’m learning to love the messy. The un-perfect. Cause messy equals evidence of life.
If you’re anything like me, when tragedy strikes like at Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown, CT, you find yourself being more intentional in loving your kids better. It pushes you to hug your children more before dropping them off at school. At least it does me.
And it causes me to look more inward at my own life and how it relates to not only my children, but others as well.
I tend to have Brene’s (the speaker in the video above) philosophy on life, or at least what she used to have…
“Life’s messy, so I need to clean it up, organize it and put it in a nicely wrapped box.”
But instead, what I’m finding, is that philosophy isn’t helpful. And more than that… it’s actually unhealthy at best and hurtful at worst. Instead, what I want to do is embrace this philosophy…
“Life’s messy… Love it”
If you have 20 minutes and 50 seconds, watch the video above where she talks about
Connection
Shame
Vulnerability
Courage
One of the things that stuck out the most is where she said:
Children are hardwired for struggle. We strive to make our children perfect - to make their athletic life perfect. Our job isn’t to make them perfect. Our job is to look at them and say, ‘you know what, you’re imperfect. You’re wired for struggle. But you are worthy of love and belonging.
Jesus did the same thing too. He met and spoke those words to the woman at the well. He met and spoke those words to the woman caught in adultery. He said those words to Peter, the very man who denied knowing Him.
And he says those same words to each one of us…
We are imperfect. We are hardwired for struggle. But we are worthy of love of Jesus. And worthy of belonging to His family.
Two days before Morgan wrote this note to her mommy, she saw the note her daddy wrote to her mommy.
One day before Morgan wrote this note to her mommy, she saw the note her mommy wrote to her daddy.
My goal isn’t just for Jami and I to have an outstanding marriage and love for each other. My goal is for Morgan and Carter to also have outstanding, loving marriages as well. And it starts by Jami and I being intentional models so that Carter and Morgan can see what that looks like.
#ilovebeingtaughtbymydaughter
When you look at the two words above, which are you attracted to the most?
Love… or Lust?
The direction of our life depends on the answer to this question. The relationships we have, will be determined by the answer. Not just romantic relationships. But all relationships. Relationships with our parents. With our siblings. Relationships with our kids. The relationship between us and our finances. The answer affects all of our relationships.
Why?
Because Love and Lust are diametrically opposed. They are completely opposite.
Lust takes. Love gives.
Lust is temporary. Love is eternal.
Lust focuses on happiness. Love focuses on joy.
Lust is centered on instant gratification. Love is patient.
Lust is selfish. Love is selfless.
So which one are you more attracted to? The direction of our lives… And our relationships demand an answer.
What is yours…
One day, our kindergartner, Mo, came home and said, “Joey be’s mean to me.” After biting our tongue and turning around to silently laugh at the way she said “be’s”, we talked about why she thought Joey be’s mean to her.
That was a couple months ago. We still, anytime anyone is kind, mean, rude, funny, hungry, hyper… etc, use the term “be’s”.
It’s awesome. Because Mo is awesome.
But it’s also true. There are many things I want to be. But as I thought about it, there’s really only four things I truly want to be’s when other people think of me…
When my kids, wife, family, friends, strangers think of me, I want everyone to be able to say…
Todd be’s
… the one who greets first
… the one who smiles first
… the one who serves first
… the one who forgives first.
I’ve got a long way to go, but that’s what I want people to be able to say I be’s.
I’ve heard of two situations this week of hurt and pain that families are going through. Neither of them are of any relation to me. But after hearing about what is going on, I simply broke down and cried.
I’m naturally a judgmental person. At it’s worst, I’m cynical. I’m naturally not a crier. I typically don’t cry.
But I’ve been praying that God would continually soften my heart. Soften my heart towards sin. Other people’s sin. And more importantly, my own sin.
It’s easy for a heart to grow hard. For my heart to grow hard. It doesn’t happen over night. It’s a continual hardening that takes place over time. I know what it’s like to have a hard heart. And I don’t ever want that again.
So I’m praying… God soften my heart. And reading Scripture.
And in that is where a soft heart is developed.
“I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.” - Ezekiel 36:26
Previous Posts in this Series:
What I Am Praying For… [to have a slow spirit]
Us Ruth boys are fast. Me and my two brothers used to wreak havoc on the base paths growing up. We would go half way down the baseline taunting catchers to throw the ball… to just throw the ball somewhere. It. Was. Hilarious.
We ran fast. We rode our bikes fast.
Fast is something that has stuck with me. Now I drive fast. Walk fast. Eat fast.
I’m always in a hurry.
And while that is great for base running skills… it’s not great when it comes to living life. When it comes to family.
While there’s a time to be in a hurry, living in a constant state of hurry just isn’t good.
When I get in a hurry, I tend to lose focus on what’s important. I tend to get crabby and snippy.
So this is another specific prayer that I’m asking God to do in my life… to give me a slow spirit.
Because if nothing else, my family needs me to slow down…
Because quality time, real solid intimate relationships don’t develop in a hurry…
They develop when I… when we take time and slow down.
Previous Post in this series: What I Am Praying For… [to love mercy]
